It's not that I loathe going back to work, I enjoy my job and the people I work with. My pain comes from dropping her off at a strange place and leaving her. The thought of her crying for me, and I am not there. My friend Charlene said it best, "it's like having your heart outside your body, and you have to leave it there." While I work here in Johannesburg, my heart is in Pretoria.
I know it will get easier as time goes on. Today, is already a bit better than yesterday. Yesterday, I know I cried more than she did. But hopefully, my guilt will soon pass. Ava has a good home and parents who love her more than anything, which I think she knows and can feel.
Another reality is pumping at work. At the moment, I pump in the handicap bathroom that is right off the building's lounge. Would love to know what the people think I am doing in there with my little black backpack for such a long period of time. It's strange to listen to people talking while I pump, but I try to block out the noise by thinking of Ava and the benefit my milk has on her growing little body. As of now, my system is working and I am able to supply plenty of milk for her. I hope it lasts. However, pumping is not the most convenient of tasks and will not be missed.
Getting my family into a routine is quite tough, as Johan and I are more fly by the seat of our pants people than following strict time lines. I did notice Tuesday ran more smoothly when I organized everyone's bags and gave Ava a bath the night before, opposed to waiting until the morning to get everything together. But I am still learning how to be a wife and a mother. A working mother. Wow, that makes me sound so old.
A working mother?!? What happened to the 21 year old me? Kidding, I am actually glad that crazy girl is long gone.
Here are a few photos of my little family out to lunch at Lombardy's last week. What a beautiful place? And the pizza was the best I've had in South Africa. Yes, way better than Pizza Perfect.
|Me and my heart|
|Daddy and his little girl|
|Does it get any cuter than this?|
Het 'n goeie dag!