Back to Reality

May 3rd has come and gone. The day I have been dreading since Ava's birth. Our first full day apart and for me, back to the reality that I actually work.

It's not that I loathe going back to work, I enjoy my job and the people I work with. My pain comes from dropping her off at a strange place and leaving her. The thought of her crying for me, and I am not there. My friend Charlene said it best, "it's like having your heart outside your body, and you have to leave it there." While I work here in Johannesburg, my heart is in Pretoria.

I know it will get easier as time goes on. Today, is already a bit better than yesterday. Yesterday, I know I cried more than she did. But hopefully, my guilt will soon pass. Ava has a good home and parents who love her more than anything, which I think she knows and can feel.

Another reality is pumping at work. At the moment, I pump in the handicap bathroom that is right off the building's lounge. Would love to know what the people think I am doing in there with my little black backpack for such a long period of time. It's strange to listen to people talking while I pump, but I try to block out the noise by thinking of Ava and the benefit my milk has on her growing little body. As of now, my system is working and I am able to supply plenty of milk for her. I hope it lasts. However, pumping is not the most convenient of tasks and will not be missed.

Getting my family into a routine is quite tough, as Johan and I are more fly by the seat of our pants people than following strict time lines. I did notice Tuesday ran more smoothly when I organized everyone's bags and gave Ava a bath the night before, opposed to waiting until the morning to get everything together. But I am still learning how to be a wife and a mother. A working mother. Wow, that makes me sound so old.

A working mother?!? What happened to the 21 year old me? Kidding, I am actually glad that crazy girl is long gone.

Here are a few photos of my little family out to lunch at Lombardy's last week. What a beautiful place? And the pizza was the best I've had in South Africa. Yes, way better than Pizza Perfect.

Lombardy's

Me and my heart

Daddy and his little girl

Does it get any cuter than this?

Het 'n goeie dag!

No Mascara! What?!?

On the way to work this morning I looked in the rear view mirror and thought, wow, I really look tired. Only then did I start to actually feel tired. Thankfully that feeling went away when I got to work and started chatting away with my co-workers.

Just now, I checked myself out in the bathroom and realized I forgot to put mascara on! This may be the first time since 1994 that I have left the house without mascara! If there is one thing I do everyday it's apply mascara. I may not shower but I put on mascara. If I was placed on a deserted island and could only take 3 things, one would be mascara. I feel so naked right now. Seriously naked. No wedding ring (due to swollen fingers) and now NO MASCARA! How am I supposed to face the rest of my day?

I think I am going to fake sick and leave work. For real...

Quick somebody hand me that Chanel make-up box thingy from The Fifth Element!

Chanel make-up box thingy